I really do truly try keep myself from going out of control, but my self hate is just eating me alive. Im sorry im so selfish and im deeply sorry for my actions. I dont deserve anything at all and please dear god dont you dare pity me. Just let me cry and be alone. Leave me alone. I shouldnt be here. I dont deserve this at all. People have so much enthusiasm as i do and yet you still give me way too much. Dont pay attention to me. I need a fucking break from everything and everyone before i break into my bad habits again and ruin myself.